(This is a really long post so grab a cup of coffee and settle in. I'll wait.)
This school year has been a doozy! It has definitely been a journey for Esther and I (yes, Gene, too, but mainly E and I). Esther has always been strong willed and energetic, but not too much more than other kids, that is until this year. Most kids for the first week of school are on their best behavior, not my daughter! What you see with Esther is what you get. From the second you meet her, she is authentically true to herself...always. While admirable, it can create problems for Esther when she has to get used to a new routine and new teachers. So from the very start of this school year we have received lots of phone calls from her teacher and her principal due to misbehavior. She was in the "first grade fight club" on the playground. She was bossy to other kids in the classroom. She spit on another child for apparently no reason. She threatened to hit another boy for not sharing the basketball. She grabbed a boy's hood and "strangled" him to get his attention. She told another girl that said girl was getting fat and "getting boobs". She grabbed a boy's crotch in music class. I'm sure I've forgotten some infractions but you get the idea.
As a parent I can tell you this has been hard. And as a quiet, reserved, always-on-my-best-behavior parent this has been excruciating! I began to doubt whether I was a good mother, and was pretty sure the school thought Gene and I were lacking in a lot of ways.
Things at home where no better. They say never pray for patience but it must have slipped out in my prayers at some point! And boy was God giving me so many opportunities to practice. Esther had frequent outbursts, with a fury that was impressive. She went from calm to angry in a second flat. She is stubborn but so am I so things would escalate quickly. Getting homework done became a nightly battle. It was rough! It is so hard to admit, but most of the time I didn't like Esther. It hurts to even write that down. I know most parents feel the same way at times but it felt like such a failure to me. I had looked forward to adopting this sweet girl for so long and now I wasn't enjoying being around her. I was losing control of the situation and knew I needed help.
I saw a counselor for a few sessions and it came up that Esther might have some sensory processing issues. This wasn't the first I had heard this suggestion. In preschool the teacher had even let me borrow a book called, "The Out-of-Sync Child". At the time I didn't really think it fit, but was starting to come around to the idea. The counselor gave me great suggestions on techniques for helping Esther to deal with frustrating. She also explained that when the daughter is 6 years old, there is usually added conflict with the mom. And lucky me, it also happens again at age 15! Things at home began to quiet down especially after Gene took over homework time.
The school suggested Esther attend a weekly social skills class to help her and others like her to relate better with others. And it helped a bit. By this time, too, the teacher and nurse suggested that Esther may have some sensory issues. Without a diagnosis, the school could only do so much. But they did what they could. At school she sits on an exercise ball, she has a special seat during circle time, she takes "heavy work" breaks where she goes to the nurse's office and lifts some things for fifteen minutes.
In April of this year, Esther started seeing an occupational therapist for some of the sensory issues she has. She has only been going for two weeks but they will work on increasing her hand strength for writing, working with tactile sensations (like playing with messy stuff), and helping her work on self-regulating.
As the school year has progressed, Esther has had a harder and harder time concentrating and controlling her impulses. During E's 7 year wellness check with her pediatrician, we asked the pediatrician if it could be ADHD vs. just being "precocious". She said it is hard to tell at this age because most kids have difficulties sitting still, concentrating and impulse control. It usually isn't diagnosed until 2nd grade or 8 years old. But as schoolwork got more difficult, Esther was having trouble finishing it at school. Daily notes from her teacher would say, "didn't get much done today", "had trouble controlling herself", "had difficult time sitting still". The teacher, Gene and I felt it was becoming more and more evident that E had ADHD. So we had a consult and filled out lots of paperwork and finally got the diagnosis...
...that yes, indeed
Esther has ADHD !
She will be starting medication this weekend. It may not be the right medicine and we may go through many different ones until we find the right one for her. So it should be a fun few months, but hopefully by 2nd grade we will be on the right track.
On a brighter note this school year it hasn't been all bad. Esther's example of fearlessness and being herself have taught me a lot about embracing myself for who I am. Being reserved, I tend to hide behind masks or go unnoticed. I have always been afraid of people. Esther is inspiring me to let go of those fears. She is fearless of others; she always assumes everyone is her friend until she is proven wrong. And even if proven wrong, she isn't fazed at all, their loss. She inspires me daily!
